That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
