I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
