Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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