I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize