And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
