Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
