Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
