Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
