he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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