I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
