I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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