Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
