I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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