I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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