can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are the jesus of drinking
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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