I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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