The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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