He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
