Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
