My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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