You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
