at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
