I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
