Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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