everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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