is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
