literally had 100 drinks last night.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Are my feet made of real feet?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
