Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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