A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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