SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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