My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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