mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
