Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
