Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
