We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
