he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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