Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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