remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
