My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
