we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
