all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
