What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
