You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
