tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
