Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
