david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
