yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
