I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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