I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
