Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
