yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
