I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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