can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
