You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
